Still*ness

I decide to allow myself the day to be completely unproductive. To do nothing. Then I panic after reading a chapter of my book that I'm doing nothing. I'm wasting this blessing of a time (only a blessing, which feels selfish, because I'm not sick and my family is, so far, unscathed) literally doing nothing. This…

Theophany

The past two mornings I’m fairly sure God spoke to me. I haven’t known how to start this piece. I mean, you can’t just start something by writing “God spoke to me” and then expect anyone except Jesus Freaks will keep reading, Not that there’s anything wrong with Jesus Freaks. Outward displays of religious ferocity…

Magnolia Tree

Tuesday The pink blossoms are opening on the tree outside. The center of the flower cup is white with a watercolor pink smear bleeding into violet as the petals unfold out to the sun.  Last year, the tree bloomed too early in March and the late winter snows kept her from full color. The year…

Gratitude

I know. Are you cringing with me? I try so hard to be the 'om shanti' hippie girl who tries to love the world without judgement and assumes positive intent and all that jazz. But the truth is, I'm a trembling, fearful, judgmental, critical, failure at meditation and Whole 30 and yoga and stillness kind…

Perimenopause

It’s 11:09pm and I’m wide awake. I’m usually asleep by an hour ago. In bed in my pj’s by 9pm. This is what 52 is like. Maybe, that’s not true. This is what 52 with an almost-2 year old is like. Our routine is, well, routine. 6:30pm dinner for H. Bubble bathtime. Teeth brushing. A…

Evensong

  On December 31st 2019, the sun low in the sky, my dead father sat in the bass section of the choir of the Adamsville United Methodist Church. He had died just two months before, thousands of miles away, but there he was at the 4pm Christmas Eve service, in a small town in Tennessee,…

21 Month Purge

I spent today in a pile of clothes too small for my growing 21 month old.  I couldn’t believe that I still had, stuffed in the onesie drawer (and why do I still have onesie’s anyway), a troff of 6-8 month old clothes. The drawers are flooded with things that have long since stopped fitting…

Weight

My son sits on my stomach and bounces. He’s not a light kid. At 20 months, he’s 29 pounds, tall for his age, and strong. He’s at that stage where his enthusiasm can get twisted with physicality and he’ll slap me across the face while cooing “Mama” and then burst into laughter. He’s bitten and…