Rest

On Wednesday, I picked up my desktop along with a backup drive full of folders full of files not named what I named them.  Nothing seemed to be in any kind of order.  My head was spinning. At the small computer store in East Nashville, which looks like an old pawn shop full of old…

2 Year Molars

Dreams about teeth falling out or breaking is the most common nightmare adults have. I know this because I’ve looked it up a few times. Online, there exists the most out-there interpretations, like ‘you are about to have an argument with your sibling’ to the more general ‘you are experiencing stress.’ It’s like Horoscopes, these…

Lost and Found

It's 11pm and I'm usually asleep by now.  Our routine is pretty solid in these pandemic times, thanks to my husband's organizational chart. It keeps one of us always off Huck duty so I can check emails, teach, surf Poshmark, scroll scroll scroll through everyone else's fabulous lives on Instagram (ps. I hate Instagram so…

Chop Wood, Carry Water

  24 months Two. My day is divided into blocks of 2 hour shifts now. 2 hours with H. 2 hours to myself. 2 hours we both have to ourselves while he naps. 2 hours on. 2 hours off. One makes his dinner. One bathes him. A few bedtime stories, always the same. Wheels. Elephant.…

Still*ness

I decide to allow myself the day to be completely unproductive. To do nothing. Then I panic after reading a chapter of my book that I'm doing nothing. I'm wasting this blessing of a time (only a blessing, which feels selfish, because I'm not sick and my family is, so far, unscathed) literally doing nothing. This…

Theophany

The past two mornings I’m fairly sure God spoke to me. I haven’t known how to start this piece. I mean, you can’t just start something by writing “God spoke to me” and then expect anyone except Jesus Freaks will keep reading, Not that there’s anything wrong with Jesus Freaks. Outward displays of religious ferocity…

Magnolia Tree

Tuesday The pink blossoms are opening on the tree outside. The center of the flower cup is white with a watercolor pink smear bleeding into violet as the petals unfold out to the sun.  Last year, the tree bloomed too early in March and the late winter snows kept her from full color. The year…

Gratitude

I know. Are you cringing with me? I try so hard to be the 'om shanti' hippie girl who tries to love the world without judgement and assumes positive intent and all that jazz. But the truth is, I'm a trembling, fearful, judgmental, critical, failure at meditation and Whole 30 and yoga and stillness kind…

Perimenopause

It’s 11:09pm and I’m wide awake. I’m usually asleep by an hour ago. In bed in my pj’s by 9pm. This is what 52 is like. Maybe, that’s not true. This is what 52 with an almost-2 year old is like. Our routine is, well, routine. 6:30pm dinner for H. Bubble bathtime. Teeth brushing. A…