This was a few weeks ago, right before my last show before taking a long hiatus from touring. I was in a hotel room in Houston getting ready for my show and watching FB and Twitter posts about the Women’s Marches happening (again) all over the country. Not able to join, I made my own personal parade in the bathroom mirror there in the Marriot. This was a few weeks ago. I could still see my feet, my belly button was still mostly an innie. It is not anymore.
Also: I was still in my 40’s in this photo.
I’m not anymore. 50 is the new 25. More on that in another post.
Here’s the thing: the march was weeks ago. But the notion of ‘resist’ is an every day thing for me. I’m not very politically active, although I am very politically aware. But ‘resist’ has taken on a lot more meaning than just being angry at injustice, incompetence, ignorance – which is rampant these days. Every day I wake up in this body with a belly that is growing faster and harder, and I’m learning to meditate and breathe through constant pain as my ribs, my muscles, my breath is all being challenged by this little boy inside me who punches and kicks and gurgles and hiccups at the inside of my uterus. I am not resisting that. I am resisting the non-resistance. I am resisting having to say ‘oh yeah, this is easy.’ I’m being honest without complaining. Or at least that’s the practice.
So yeah. Resist. Resist stereotypes. Resist what people say you can and cannot do because of age. Resist agism. Resist people who think a woman in her 50’s should look or act or dress a certain way. Resist hating wrinkles. Resist people who fear feminism. Resist black and white thinking. Resist expectations. Resist what a thing should be and embrace what the thing is.
So here I am a few weeks ago, showing off a belly that when, without baby inside, I’d have thought wasn’t perfect and would NEVER have shown you that photo. But the truth is, it was perfect. And it is now. And it will be no matter the leftover pounds or the stretch marks or the scar, should I need one.
Resist. Then bring it on.